messy messy life

2002-10-27T05:08:00.000-08:00

"serves you right...the cough haven't killed u yet?"
that was how i was greeted when i came home, coughing my lungs out. that was also how i was greeted when i received my A lvl results in tears. this is my mum. never changed a single bit the moment i was born. have u ever doubted abt whether you were ur parents real flesh and blood? i have. countless times. i'm 21 years old. but i have a curfew. im not allowed to use the phone for long. i must sleep at 12am. im not allowed to go to chalets. muz not go clubbing and to town. im expected to get all As in my exams. im expected to get into schools like RGS. and when i dun meet up to that expectation, i get yelled at, beaten and chased out of the hse. did i mention i have 2 other siblings who do not have that expectation? they can not study, watch television the whole day, use the computer and i'm still supposed to let them have their way. the reason is because they are still very young. my brother is 15 and my sister is 12. i remember i was beaten to death at 15 because i could not get into the science stream in crescent. and my brother is in clementi town.

i had 244 for my PSLE. not exactly great results at tt time when at least 1/2 of my primary school class got into SAP schools and i only managed to get into crescent. i remembered my mum saying i was the most worthless one compared to my cousins. i remember crying silently in my room for days thinking that i have been the greatest sinner. at 12, i already wanted to kill myself. she didnt make my 1st day at crescent easy as well. telling me that she rather had a dog than have a useless daughter like me. she has a whole load of sarcasm in her and i was alwaz the one she would target her attacks on. seriously, crescent was the best school anyone could ask for. i never regretted going to crescent. i made true frens and fell in love with my ECA. my friends provided the comfort and listening ear that my home and family members could never give me. i was made the vice captain of netball. i was ecstatic coz it was my frens who voted for me. but its alwaz too good to be true. my mum knew of it and asked for my position to be removed and for me to quit netball. the reason being that it would affect my studies and she did not think it was appropriate for me to join. and so i was asked to leave. did i cry? yes of course but anger was already raging inside me.

we moved house when i was in secondary 3. i loved the new house. i thought that will make me wanna come home more and enjoy the comfort of being alone in my room. but the day when my dad allocated the rooms to us. my mum said, " there's no need for her to sleep in a room. she can just sleep in the hall." i ran to my dad for comfort and he held me with my head burried on his chest and tears in my eyes. the only mistake i did that week was that i could not enter the science stream as they wanted. i was hurt by her words and she made me feel even smaller and inadequate as she said that. i felt insignificant in the family.

every stage of my life, i only can remember the hurt she brought me with her actions and her words. when i did pretty well for my O lvls, she said i was just plain lucky. when i got into the gifted course, she said that MOE must have sent the letter to the wrong house. i know im not supposed to bear grudges on my own mother. but i juz cant forget all the hurt and pain that she engraved into my mind. it alwaz comes back to haunt me. she alwaz tells me that she regrets giving birth to me and that im useless, worthless and juz a pain to be juz living. i dunno how to continue living in a environment like this. i admit i have not been the best daughter that i could have been. i do go out and i hang out with my frens. but i dun smoke, dun drink, dun take drugs, dun join gangs and i do study. maybe at times im juz plain lazy, but who isnt? im also human too and i do make mistakes. yes i suck in my studies and i did not enter the university course that you wanted me to but i really dun see the need to put me down like that. i felt like killing myself time and time again to make her regret saying those things to me. but now i ever want to is just to move out and live my own life from now on. i envy pple like joanne who can make their own decisions abt their life and with parents supporting them. but for me? i can never lead such a life. im supposed to study this school, go that school, study that course and when i work, i muz take over her business and support my siblings. why cant i juz blardy lead my life?

when i met shufen's mum, i was so envious. how i wish i had a mum like that. understanding, comforting and supporting. not telling me i deserved it and i suck when im already feeling like shit. she alwaz compares me to a dog. in front of relatives, she'll tell them im a piece of crap living under her roof. in front of my frens, she'll act like an angel. she says i treat this like a hotel. yea in a way i do. ever came home to a mum who hurls so much bullshit at u for nothing? she leaves me hate notes on my desk telling me to leave the house. and i did. i ran away from home once. it was my dad who called me back. i pity my dad for marrying such a devil. i lived 21 years with her and sometimes i think i had enuff. enough crap, sarcasm, bullshit and hurt. i wanna fly away from this place i call home. i wanna pack my bags and leave. how i wish i commanded my own income to pay her back for watever money she said was wasted on me. i dun need someone to call me a dog.

my parents almost divorced once when i was 7. i was praying for it. but it did not happen. im not crying out for pity but this is the story that i wanted to share with you all. the only wish i made for every birthday was that i would NEVER ever to grow up to be like my mother in any way. i will never treat my kids like how she treated me. do i hate her? no not really. but i believe in kharma. wat goes around comes around.
this is my story, my childhood and the sad and painful memories that will haunt me for life.

2002-10-25T01:24:00.000-07:00

i'm sick. as expected. fever, flu, cough, sore throat. why does these 4 alwaz come in a package??!! its like buy 1 get 3 free. *mutters* oh but at least they caught the mad sniper. hoorah! no more walking in zig zag manner. hopefully they caught the correct one though. ok its back to bed to sleeeep my way thru the day to work off the drowsiness of the damn cough medicine.

p.s : for those asking, my digicam model and stats can be found here

[x] listening to : John Pinette - copacabana [x]

2002-10-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

BIG THANKS TO DANNY!! thanks for hosting my pics! lurveee ya :D
thanks to stephen too for trying to set up an ftp acct for me too. thanks! :)

look at my cuteeeeeeee niece!
she's so chubby! hee really pretty too. now u know why pple cant resist pinching ur cheeks when u were young. lol. i juz realised i have an astonishing number of relatives. to date, i have 40 odd aunties + uncles, 50 odd cousins, 1 niece and 1 nephew. i cannot imagine when i get married. the no. of ang paos i have to give out! headache -.- plus all my cousins look the same! i have no idea how to distinguish them. hurhur i think pple in olden days have no entertainment except *ahem* so tts why they come out wif so many kids!! HAHA :D

yesh everyone knows OASIS is not coming. poor moo. well, juz gotta wait for their next gig. seriously dun u think the more the US govt says "stop terrorism!", the more it happens? bali bombings? sniper in US? i find tt the sniper guy could have been stopped. im so glad at least sg doesnt sell arms. less chances of a mad killing in a school or instances like these. why does some govt allow arms and drugs? i dun get it. when sg is trying to stop drugs and smoking, amsterdam is selling it on the streets. how can u actually acheive ur goal when u get this type of things on the street? k im blabbering but i bet everyone feels angry over it. but yet helpless. cant do shit but rant abt it at home and still see it happening on tv.

i feel flu coming. its the time of the month where i fall sick. as usual. i can feel it. its like the flu bug going, "yield to me.... yield to me and fall sick for days...". i have a vivid imagination. HOHO. but its something like tt. its the haze too. weather aint really tt good. hope neither of u are affected by it. i feel tt the end of the world is coming. i dunno why but i juz feel so. pple dying due to thunder, woman died of drinkin coke, terrorist attacks, mad sniper, ozone layer depleting, weather getting hotter. oh well, when its time to go, u juz go. for now, im feeling sick! GO AWAY FLU BUG!

have u had a song stuck to ur head? for me its this one. "...a little bit of this, a little bit of that.." its glued to my mind! i hear it whenever i switch on the radio, in the mall, in the taxi. but its a nice song. juz depends how long till i get sick of it. remember the song "smooth"? similar to tt. it juz gets stuck to u. but i feel happy when i hear it. sweet sensation...hee. love??? :D :D :D

[x] listening to :
Santana feat. Michelle Branch - the game of love [x]

2002-10-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

this is hilarious. someone msged me on icq asking me whether i was talking abt A. then i said no, its not her. then the person told me coz A made a reply to the blog i made on thurs. so i went to read A's blog and indeed it was. same words used as well. hmm interesting. and the only thing i said was a pretty gal's blog. and A's blog was not the one tt i came across tt made me have tt comment on thurs. the person's blog was not even in sg. either pple love to think tt i like to talk abt them so much, love to put blame on themselves or A juz thinks becoz i said its a pretty gal's blog, it has to be her. heh. so much said for u as well.

its not becoz of jealousy tt made me come up wif tt blog on thurs. if im jealous of ppl looking better than me, i'll die of it everytime i walk on orchard rd, go zouk or pick up a mag to read. there are so many gorgeous pple ard. wats there to compare and get jealous of? im perfectly happy wif wat God or my mum/dad gave me. i think beauty is exuded from within. eventhough u may not be the most gd looking person at a particular place, you can make heads turn with ur style, sense of dressing, the way u present urself and most imptly confidence. confidence is way better than beauty. wats tt pt lookin so great but u feel threatened whenever someone else better looking walks into the room? of coz a beautiful personality and a kind heart is a must as well. nobody wans their other half to look so great but has a shithole personality right? i really dun see why has this thing got to do wif jealousy.

wat i blogged on thurs was how i felt at tt particular day, at tt particular moment. i juz think humility is impt, even when u are blogging. same as i dun like pple flashing their tits on the webcam. its called personal preference and opinion. i dun like it but i wont be like a small kid and leave hate comments. if u wanna talk abt how pretty u are all day long or flash ur tits, then go ahead. but u cant stop me feelin disgusted abt it.

2002-10-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

wat an experience the compy was. i made it for the 1st screening where there were down to 600 pple and from there to 30 and then to 1. all in a day. i thought it would be spreaded out but everything was done within a day. it was an ear opener. there were so many ppl who sang so well. but were all dealt wif the cruelty of one bell. *ding* and off u go. 5 pple in a line, 1 at a time, with only abt 10 secs to show wat u got. i guess 600 over pple all crooning to slow songs doesnt make anyone stand out. mebbe gotta do wif looks plus talent plus something extra. kinda regret din choose a fast number tt i can dance to. but its over. i wasnt picked and i kinda expected it already. so not much disappointment there. all the competitors were really gd. but i feel accomplished as i din panic or forget lyrics as i thought i would. mebbe coz u dun expect anything, u wont be nervous i guess. great experience though. made me wanna try out more competitions. however it also brings up the harsh reality of showbiz. it might be all glittery but u muz have talent, good figure, great looks and with a X-factor. and not to mention comparison. anyhows, mebbe i'll try again next yr. not sure. but thanks to all those who wished me gd luck and showed me support. :)

i watched divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood. great one. shd catch it. very heart warming movie. kinda reminded me of my own childhood and my relationship with my own mum. i guess ppl who know me shd know abt me and my mum. sometimes i crave to be hugged by her and let her tell me how proud she is of me. or tt she will be understanding, see things or at least try to see it from my pov, stands behind me when someone criticises me and tells me reassuring things when i feel down. i wish she could go shopping with me, spend time and not compare me to all the countless cousins i have. hopefully one day, she will be like the mum in the movie and tell me how glad she is to have had me as a daughter. i shall pray for tt day.

[x] listening to :
Ella Fitgerald - someone to watch over me [x]

2002-10-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

i decided to go for the compy. thanks to all who gave me so much support and love. thanks. i'll try it out but it might be already full by now. so now lets juz see how things go yea?

stephen and danny were so sweet to offer me a folder on their webby to host my pics. thanks! i guess i will be juz shifting my pics in first. remembered i told u guys i registered a domain? its been a whole month and i have not received any email from them. they juz told me abt the ftp but till now the site is not even up yet. the money's already been paid. FRAUD! such idiots. i was bitching this to charlotte yest and she was telling me her sg domain was up in a day! argh. she offered to bite up tt company together wif me...LOL. such a sweetie~ cheer up gal! BIG *huggs*!
oh i forgot to mention.... ONE2HOST YOU SUCK!

humility. i feel tt some bloggers have no sense of it. i was reading someone's blog and i felt disgusted. i mean its supposed to be a blog, but a blog tt keeps praising the owner abt how good looking and sexy she is.... erm... well, ok u are gd looking but try to be a lil humble? beautiful outside yes but inside, i doubt so. i din leave comments there coz i dun see the need to tell her how disgusted i was, she aint someone i know in real life anyway. i wont say who she is. juz someone i think tt needs a lil more humility inside.

this song is beautiful. lyrics are as true as always. its dedicated to you. i dunno whether you read this anymore, but i i think tts how u are feelin now. i cant resolve ur sadness for you or make u feel better. juz hope time will heal. take care my friend.

2002-10-15T09:04:00.000-07:00
at least now i know that its not my blog. i think burn's blog is suffering the same plight as mine. the whole template disappears from time to time. and i thought blogger was not bad in providing an easy way to update. heh. now everytime i wanna blog, i gotta copy my template and stick it all over again. argh. and i cant update my links. so gimme time to link u back when its finally working properly. i hope tt comes real soon.

i feel inferior whenever i go to music school. either my expectations are too high or im stressing myself out. the ppl in my class are going into choir. kinda feel a lil left out. ariel was saying to work harder. i really dunno how to improve singing. my mum told me to join the warner singing compy. i got the form, filled it out already but im so afraid. i think i'm freeze on the stage if i go this sunday. its acapella furthermore. i totally have zero confidence tt i can even make it thru to the 1st round. there are 600 pple going for this competition and i really dun think im good or pretty enuff to make the cut. yea theres no harm trying but i think i will feel even worse if i disappoint myself. havent decided whether to go... i think my morale dropped even further after today's lesson. wish me luck if i do go for tt competition.

i read abt the bali incident on monday. was told tt randy was supposed to be on the trip with the SCC members. thank god he din go and he's ok. hopefully u are feeling alright. take care~

i bought 4 pairs of earring in a day! im thinking of getting 2 more ear holes and a tattoo. im getting insane. wonder how my mum will flare up if she knows i got a tattoo. hmm... somehow i think its not gonna be pretty. lol. and i got my voice recorder! finally. but i will never step into sim lim alone again. esp if u not in the mood to entertain irritating salespersons.

pics of miguel's and cheng's bdae are out!! im gonna get slaughtered.... =X but i wasnt the culprit who took most of the photos! *ahem*

lastly, to my dear gals reading this blog, be careful of any person holding the nokia 7650. im reading more and more incidents of perverts taking pics without the gals' knowledge. dun think u wanna see ur pic end up in some psycho forum. heh. but im not implying all pple who own tt phone is a pervert. :D

[x] listening to : Jolin - wo zhi dao ni hen nan guo [x]

2002-10-15T01:08:00.000-07:00
ok something is creeping me out. either its my blog or its blogger. can those pple using blogspot tell me whether you got the same problem? i keep getting this error : "length is not an object". but i ran through my html and its fine. the thing is whenever i publish my blog with the links of other bloggers in it, the error will come up. but if i leave the links out, it'll be fine. and from time to time, my template info will juz disappear. a white screen only. but when i use a default template, its ok. this is frustrating!! its like playing hide and seek with the stupid template. ARGH!
im not gonna put up my links until i figure out wats blardy wrong wif the stupid thing. damnit.

2002-10-13T21:41:00.000-07:00
been a busy weekend working like crazy. the console challenge was tiring. standing close to 10 hours a day watching at a PS2 basketball game makes me wanna throw up already. of coz during events like these, u meet nice and obnoxious pple. more like weird. i dun wanna say how weird but juz erm, pretty disturbing. and i saw eric working there as well and we agreed to meet up for ktv wif mich and the rest :D and i also met ron!! he told me he was spinning at gary's bdae at the chalet. erm, who gets a dj to spin at a chalet? hmm. oh well, most prob i'll juz go and take a look...
i got good news! my SIP ENDS this WEDNESDAY!! yippeeeee!!! means i can rest before dragging myself back to tp.

met tonnes of pple on sat to celebrate miguel's and cheng's bdae!! hee. lets see...joel, yvette, yanie, keira, snake, shawn, ken, critical, gollum, sam, alvin, bast, ret, mob, alex. whew! i think tts it. fun catching up and listen to alvin's ridiculous ideas abt cherries, geylang, hot girls. sigh. kids nowadays are so corrupted. lol.

yesterday went out with weihong, cheng, faye, the 2 Ong brothers, joanne, andrew, charlotte. i never laughed so hard going to a ktv before. first it was the 3 times of "my way" dedicated to the mum, then it was bryan adams "please forgive me". LOL! very nicely done!! i think we were juz entertaining ourselves the nite through. hoho. hopefully we'll go to ktv again soon. haha. and i din know weihong sang canto songs!! woah :P

thanks for the OVERWHELMING response for the blinkies. ok to know how its done, its juz using paint and a gif animator. lotsa frames all put together. so longer the name, more frames needed. like christine with the bouncy heart? eh close to 20 frames...heh. ok for the orders, try not to ask for an order here. email me!! coz i need specific details like type, color, size and the name u want it to be. and also i need a return email addy to send it to when its done! heres the list of pple i received orders from. if ur name is not here, pls email me again. sorry for the trouble.

danny / green
dan / grey
yvonne / pink or orange
ashng / blue
bart / blue
caleb / neon

the rest of u guys below, can u all send me a mail? coz u all din specify the color and type and name u want me to put as. need to know ur color preference. thankew~

grrl
oracle
jennie
discopig
rko
benjamin
iceblue
junhao

last step is to WAIT. lol. ok i need time to do these stuffs. gimme sone time ok? be patient. i've received the orders ;p and u will get it in ur mail soon...hee. if you wanna blinkie too, mail me pls. but u gotta queue!! :D

eleague server is down and desperately need a place to host my pics. grr. when i can post pics then i'll show u pics taken over the weekend! for now, i shall start working on those blinkies....

[x] listening to : Vanessa Williams - love is [x]

2002-10-10T05:07:00.000-07:00
i finally learnt how to make blinkies myself. the last blinkie was made for me by angel. thx dear! :)
i made some for myself and my frens. i like the one tt has the bouncing heart below. i think my eyes are going mad with all the blinks and bouncey stuff.








im still newbie at this. gonna learn more jumpy stuff. if u like these, u can mail me and i'll make one for ya. tell me the color, size and type. cant promise it'll be really pretty though =\ and i take a long time to do it. i'll try to make u one if u like them ;)

2002-10-09T23:20:00.000-07:00
not in the mood to blog. or rather too busy. console challenge begins tomorz. i'll be at funan these few days so no updates till mon. hopefully those "weird" pple dun irritate the hell out of me. and no stupid comments from them too. i wont work as hard as i did for eleague. i'll explain why next time.
received mail from eric. thanks for the mail. its sweet to receive mail from pple who actually read, comprehend and think over ur blog. hopefully i dun depress him out. =\ really appreciate ur mails. thx.
for now, read this passage. its funny. enjoy ur friday & weekend folks. i'll be back again :)

Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies
--------------------------------------------------
1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declare dead.

3. When an old man is dying after being attacked by villains, while lying down he will ask the hero (kneeling beside him) to take care of his beautiful daughter (who will be crying).

4. When fighting with the enemy, instead of hitting each other, the villain and the hero will choose to hit each other's palm and stone there for sometime before pushing each other away.....and one of them will spill blood out of his mouth

5. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.

6. When saying goodbye to other skilled fighters, they will cover their right fist with their left palm and jumping out of camera screen (assuming you know they actually fly off into the sky).

7. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

8. The inn is such an up-to-date information-centre that when having lunch at the inn, you can always overhear gossips of latest news on what's happening in the pugilistic-world. And usually the gossips come from a few goons at the next table.

9. Assassins seem to have some kind of agency for employments - they always wear the same standard uniform, black cloth all over revealing only the eyes.

10. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.

11. It's easy to immobilize someone - just touch someone with your fore finger and middle finger anywhere on his body and he will not move...but he still can curse and swear.

12. To cure an immobilization, just anyhow tap your fingers all over his body again.

13. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.

14. People like to pass short messages on paper with flying darts to show off their darting skills.

15. When committing suicide, people are so lazy that they choose to hit the forehead with their own palm.

16. The villains have some kind of strange habit that they like to stay in a secret underground compartment just behind the walls of their room....usually opened up by turning a small statue.

17. When chasing someone, people tend to shout at the runner and order him to stop...as if he will obey.

18. Nobel's invention of explosives in 1866 is in fact useless. Highly skilled people in the pugilistic world during ancient times already know how to cause explosions with bare hands.

19. Highly skilled villains have the power to destroy rocks, but do not have the power to kill the hero.

20. Two highly skilled person are so nervous in their duel that they keep talking and criticizing each other before they actually start the fight.

21. People in the pugilistic world are so free that they don't have to work. They attend gatherings, meetings every time and nose around other people's matter.
--------------------------------------------------

try this game out too ;) really cute! click on the helmut to begin. see whether u got shaky hands!

[x] listening to : Avril Lavigne - i'm with you [x]

2002-10-08T01:09:00.000-07:00
happy birthday to you!
happy birthday to you!
happy birthday to...
chengzeee!
(the kuku koala)
happy birthday to you!

hope you have lotsa fun and stay happy on your birthday! and may ur wishes come true! esp. for ur driving license! :D dun be so kuku..... =P

2002-10-07T05:25:00.000-07:00
everyone is asking me how the dinner was. how's the dress. thanks for all the suggestions u all gave me. i bought a dress from urban & co in the end. i din wan to spend few hundreds for a gown that i will only wear once. its juz a simple purple floral dress that i would at least wear out next time.
the wedding was great. look at the cute flower boy and girl. it was a church wedding in the morning. every girl's dream to walk down the aisle.

the wedding dinner at night was at shangri-la. nice gorgeous ballroom, 50 tables in all. i was glad that i din buy an expensive gown as only the older generation was dressed formally, in gowns and suits and tux. people my age were just wearing jeans and t shirts which i find to be a little inappropriate. we were seated with a group of unknown strangers. there was a guy whom i thought was pretty obnoxious. kept boasting about how good he is at billard, how good he is at this and that. me and cheng nicknamed him as the ya ya papaya. but in all, the wedding dinner was great. esp when they had a jazz band singing tunes like, close to you, dream a little dream, someone to watch over me. at least something delightful rather than listening to the papaya. i thought the wedding was romantic and those tt every girl would want. the ambience was juz great. kind of makes u want to jump into marriage... or fall in love

it's stephen's and rosaline's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the both of you! enjoy this special day :)
i juz got my lava lamp on friday. its pretty aint it? when its not switched on, the wax hardens to the shape of a, erm dick? tts according to khimmy. lol. but i love to look at it when its switched on. blobs of red. thanks khimmy for getting it for me. such a steal too. only 50 bucks. but too bad its all sold out. if not i'll get another sparkles one.

every sad song will juz remind me of something. someone in my gbook left me a note. i dunno who it was but somehow i think i know tt person. he/she is juz using a diff nick. tt person said i seem to be healing my heart, said hope tt i will cross the bridge one day and find happiness. thank u. but recently im not having much sad entries. how would u know that from juz reading my blog? watever u said triggered the button. something tt i've been trying to hide for at least 2 months now. yea its true, i hate to see sad entries in my blog. i hate seeing ppl asking to cheer up. im not pessimistic at all. i might have been trying to hide my hurt behind cheery blogs and big smiles. but every place, every corner, every song, every passage i read from the internet reminded me. no matter how much i run and hide from it. i think i can have happiness if i wanted to, i dunno wats stopping me. too sick and tired of the same cycle. it juz repeats over and over again. yea im weak. im afraid of loneliness. i want someone to take care of me. at least i admit that. dun tell me gals shd be independent. every gal craves to be embraced by the one they love and to find the one tt is made for them. yea tts wat i believe in. i believe there is a special someone for each and everyone on this planet. whether u will find happiness and eternal bliss with that person is another story. that is why i believe there is a difference between your lover and your soulmate. you may find your lover but you may never meet your soulmate in this lifetime. and usually the soulmate is the one that you would never have a future with. sad but true.
for the ppl who feel the same way i do, click here. this story triggered wat i've been hiding for too long. may u find your happiness soon too, ayu. this story is dedicated to u.

[x] listening to :
Ella Fitzgerald - someone to watch over me [x]

2002-10-03T19:21:00.000-07:00
its friday! finally. i got 3 more weeks till my SIP ends. there's this aura round here. like doom is coming. everyone here is so gloomy and restless. i hate this environment. and i think starhub is irresponsible for the way they handle their human resource. i think a lot of my colleagues here cant find jobs. its so shitty and vulnerable. how i wish i could own my company and employ all of them. daydreaming but who doesnt wish for that?

my moo moo is finally back!! and he added a tagboard. go visit him! the dancing cow is for u :D. thanks mambo for lending me the cow. and im plugging sweet mel for alwaz leaving such nice comments. thanks gal~

ok i din go for paul oakenfold. dun regret not going. it juz totally slipped out of my mind until i was eating chicken rice @ river valley boon tong kee. the other table kept rambling on abt him. i wanted to go juz to hear wats the hype abt. cheng said he was rated world best in 1998. but i figured that it will juz turn out like another "fatboy slim" gig. rem i was crushed in the members area, with no room to even make my way to the washroom. the people in the dance floor were only "vibrating". note its not dancing, its vibrating. meaning only have enuff room to bounce up and down. norman cook could not understand how to use the controls and the resident dj was actually the one touching the turntables at 1st. and all norman cook did was raise his 2 hands to the crowd and everybody yelled. heh. i bet he thought us singaporeans were idiots or something. and he hasnt even touched the turntable @ tt pt yet. oh well, the music was great but it was really too packed. and for 43 bucks to get squashed, i opted not to go. hope the moo moo and jason had fun :D. i want to see the pics!

i need to get an evening gown by sat. i really dun get it. its not even my wedding but i got to dress up, do makeup and fix up my hair. ma fan -.- juz becoz its held at a fancy hotel. anyhows, zara has nice dresses but its packed as usual. even on a thurs. cannot believe it. and almost every single piece of clothing is left with only XS or XL. damnit. either that or its all sold out. or it is defected. argh. and its not even a sale but pple are grabbing every single piece like its free. the beaded dress i wanted was $239. and its almost sold out already. *mutter* to get to the dressing room = queue for at least 10 mins. the oni good point is, they have gorgeous, nice and helpful salespeople. the salesgirls are from spain. how great is that. they are so pretty! nice smile, great complexion, blue eyes. *drool* makes u forget u have to wait tt long and tt everything is in a mess. thumbs up for "importing" the gorgeous salespeople as well :D oh did i mention they have cute male sales people from spain too? ;)

i went on a mad hunt for the dress. and cheng had to find his pants and shirt too. yest was madness. went to pois and found a gorgeous dress which was 800 bucks. and of coz its one of a kind in sg and its imported. she even offered a discount. erm of 50 bucks. so tt makes it 750. like tts a lot of difference! went to armani, CK and the only great thing about yest was, we didnt meet snooty salespeople in those oh-so-posh shops. those type who will snigger at u coz u look like a teen and wear jeans and tshirt. i hate tt. they are so wrong abt teenagers' buying power nowadays. even if we are not buying, wats wrong wif taking a look @ the stuff? i remembered going to "prata" and the salesgirl wiped off my fingerprints immediately after i took a look at their wallets. heh. i have to praise BCBG @ wisma though. excellent service. the oni thing i mentioned was tt i needed a dress for a wedding function and they gave me tonnes to try on. they were so sweet. no fake comments. and even suggested i shd go look ard b4 i bought any of their dresses :D these type of salepeople really makes ur day so much better. might juz go back and buy tt dress for the nice way they treated me.
i need to get the dress by today. hmm.... panic. and i wrote an extremely long post again. yikes.

[x] listening to : Leann Rimes - life goes on [x]

2002-10-01T19:23:00.000-07:00
thanks to those who left nice comments abt my layout! yay im happy wif my layout too. reminds me of ang gu kuei. and yesh its not new year yet. =\ no ang paos. and i got fans for my nails too. haha. for those asking, its done @ nailworks wisma 4th lvl. 60 bucks for pedi / mani. 25 for manicure alone. they better pay me recommendation fee. esp when its so expensive. hoho.

those who study networking, this shd not be too hard for u. u know the OSI layers? how the layers add headers and pass them to the next layer? i was reminded of tt yesterday. some pple reminded me of tt. passing info and adding headers. at times the info might be distorted or even unclear. and the headers added are even more distorted than the actual information itself. if u dun get it, its ok. juz ignore. im juz crapping. :)

u know u meet strange pple everyday. i find this type of pple strange. as in gals who have totally no self confidence at all. yest @ swensens, i saw a girl who was with her bf. she was very very pretty (mebbe tts wat caught my attn ;p and also coz she was sitting quite near). whenever a not bad looking gal walks into the restaurant. she'll start her "procedure". 1st she'll take out her mirror and admire herself. 2nd she'll make sure her bf ain't looking at that girl and then she'll ask her bf, " you think she's prettier than me?". HEH! i pity the bf. i guess he muz be pretty tired answering her qns. and tt gal i saw was very pretty, long hair, nice eyes, long legs and had a slim figure. hmm, the prettier the person is, the less self confidence she has?

lynn was telling me tt day abt god being fair. as in if u are rich, maybe u are not that good looking or maybe not have such a good family. maybe if you are good looking, you are not that successful in life. my point is that in a way, it will be fair to everyone at the end of the day. i kind of agree to her view. i was thinking about that yest when i was in music school. esp when one of my frens commented saying that those who actually are good looking cant sing that well, but those who sing really well, are not tt good looking. erm. well. i cant say he's 100% wrong. but there are alwaz exceptions. jennifer love hewitt? can act, sing, has good figure, totally gorgeous, is filthy rich and has beautiful skin. i dunno abt her family but if our point was true abt everyone being equal, then god is biased with her. lol. :D

ARGH! my left ear has been blocked since yest night. cant hear a thing from tt ear. shite. i tried blowing my nose, swallowing saliva, using a cotton bud and NOTHING WORKS! its so blardy irritating when 1 of ur ears are blocked!! its like suddenly everything is amplified in ur right ear. damnit damnit damnit. dun ask me to hold my right / left ear and jump ard like crazy. i tried tt already -.- and my father thought it was hilarious. ARGH! i feel semi-deaf.

[x] listening to : Nelly - dilemna [x]

2002-09-30T09:08:00.000-07:00
i LOVE RED!!
yes its a new layout. new month. gimme some comments for it ok? the whispers is on top now. supposed to wait till i shift to my new server b4 i do any new layout but they havent sent me the login name and password. talk about being inefficient. oh well, i'll juz have to be patient.

u muz be wondering wats tt pic on eyecandy. its my feet! more like my nice nails. haha i juz did a pedi and manicure on sunday. havent done it in a long while. was @ nailworks wisma. very expensive~ but i got a wedding function to attend to this sat so tts an excuse for it. sorry u have to stare @ my fat feet for a week! or until i decide to change it. the layout color was inspired by the nail color. hoho. dun see this pg when u have lunch. =P

the tony rich song was nice but very very depressing. need something uplifting! like jazzz~ CANTALOOP! im sure all of u heard this one b4. it totally rox. an oldie too. but very addictive. well, monday is over and i need to sleep early to wake up for work. take care everyone and may u have a good October! nites. :)

2002-09-29T19:12:00.000-07:00
][ things happen for a reason? ™© ][

Tony Rich Project - Nobody Knows

i pretended i'm glad you went away
these 4 walls closin' more everyday
and i'm dying inside
and nobody knows it but me
like a clown i put on a show
the pain is real even if nobody knows
and i'm cryin' inside
and nobody knows it but me

why didn't i say the things i needed to say
how could i let my angel get away
now my world is just a tumblin' down
i can say it so clearly
but you're nowhere around

the nights are lonely, the days are so sad
and i just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
and i'm missin' you
and nobody knows it but me

i carry a smile when i'm broken in 2
and i'm nobody without someone like you
i'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
i lie awake it's a quater past 3
i'm screamin' at night as if i thought you'd hear me
yeah my heart is callin' you
and nobody knows it but me

how blue can i get
you could ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
a million words couldn't say just how i feel
a million years from now you know
i'll be lovin' you still

tomorrow morning i'm hittin' the dusty road
gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
i'm gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me
said when my nights are lonely...

long post this is gonna be so pls be patient.

thanks to those who were concerned abt me when i had tt post tt day. i'm fine and life goes on. its juz fury let out in a day i guess. things i regret in my life and sometimes i feel the decisions tt i make are those tt will make me die with regrets when im old. ppl came up and tell me, u shd not type so much vulgarities or shd not reveal so much in a blog. but hey, its supposed to be an online journal, isnt it supposed to be true and not pretentious? how come i still have to bother to edit wat i type and feel @ that moment? i feel sorry for those bloggers who blog becoz they want others to see them in a way they are not. if my posts offend anyone in anyway, they can choose to leave. but at least i'm not lying to myself when i look back at my archives. i also had my fair share of mean comments, but i learnt to ignore and delete. these are also another bunch of balless(?) pple who are displeased wif u in real life but yet face u wif a huge smile. i can do tt too :D :D but i shall choose not to be a hypocrite.

saturday was SHUFEN's birthday! hope she enjoyed her 21st birthday! she shd have received the pressie by now. hopefully, speedpost din lose it somewhere. i shall cross my fingers.

had lunch with felicia and kailing on friday. enjoyed the time spent together and the little chat. made me realise we only had about 6 more months to be in school with each other. how time flies. and somehow the 4 of us bumped together to be good friends. i'm glad tt it was them and not anyone else. mebbe its the fate tt felicia always talks abt.

monday blues. im feeling it every single monday. mebbe its made worse by an icq msg a fren sent me. hmm... things have really changed hasnt it? even people u thought who understood u and stood by u could change. sometimes i wonder wat u mean by true frens? those who know u inside out? those who stay by u when u are in trouble? those who are concerned abt u? then the bloggers tt i know eversince i started blogging are made out to be true frens. they left countless encouraging msgs and brought smiles when i was down. eventhough i may not even recognise them on the street. genuine or not, it doesnt matter. at least they bother. juz leaving a short msg may not take very long but it means a lot to me. thank u.

u know this song? its by the tony rich project. i was reminded of it by "dj sponge". lol. wow this song is so old. but still as meaningful the day i heard it. i remembered hearing it when i was sec 2. its been 7 years! it used to be mine and my buddy, junxian's favourite song. cannot stop playing it. nice. hope you'll enjoy it as well.

:: listening to : Tony Rich Project - nobody knows

2002-09-26T18:29:00.000-07:00
][ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ™© ][

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARIE!
hope you enjoy urself on this special day and may u always be smiling and happy always~ love to see ur pretty smile! :) hope u liked the presents we gave to u, rem to wear the jacket!! i dedicated this song to u, may u find happiness always and all things go your way, like the lyrics in the song. (also becoz its sang by 4 in love! haha)
*muaks* have fun today!! michelle, kailing and me will always be there for u... caring for u alwaz~

p.s: plugging hazel, claris, jeremy, merCury, pinkSpider, pauline, sabine for their beautiful layouts and nice comments they left.
THANKS TO ALL WHO LEFT SWEET COMMENTS IN MY BLOG TO CHEER ME UP!! *huge hug* thanks everyone!! thanks for the encouragement and the hugs u all left me! really helped in cheering me up and making me feel better. luv u all! ;)

disclaimer : all the pics above belong to me. meaning if u take, reproduce or post it somewhere else, i'll make sure u get bished. now go enjoy the pics. :)

:: listening to : 4 in love - 1001 wishes

2002-09-25T00:46:00.000-07:00
][ fucked up™© ][

for those tt are in a cheery mood today, i shall ask u to leave my blog now. thou shall not spoil ur mood. im feelin fucked up. yes i have mood swings. yes suddenly. no its not PMS. and i will not be like those lil gals tellin everyone tt she got pms and askin them to live wif it. dun tell me i whine too much. its my blog. so shaddup and click on the cross u see on the top right hand corner. shoo. at least i dun hide wat i wanna to say. wat u see is wat u get. i shall not pretend to be all nice and be prim and proper. i'm not. im not a nice person when u piss me off or step on my toes. i bite. HARD. and it'll coat venom on my teeth while i sink into ur flesh. i swear i'll only to be nice to my true frens from now on, and those who are concerned and truly care for me.

got one of those days u felt everything was wrong and was juz pissing u off?? yea im feelin tt now. i feel like thugging all my hair out, breaking every freakin piece of glass tt estation has, go load some virus software in every server, go bite every single one i see, tear every piece of paper, slam every door damn hard and blast estation's music to some cheapo ah beng techno. mebbe after tt i'll feel better. freakin hell. im pissed. i wont list the reason. its juz frustration plus anger plus boredom plus the urge to vent! i need a massage. a very gd one to make me forget everything. im sittin here doin fuckin nothing except rant @ the com. shite. why did i grow up so fast and why did god not make a edit or rewind button for me to change some things in life tt i would never have done if i could look back. people tt i would never want to meet/know, things i never wanted to do. i oni regret things i did b4 but i dun regret not doin some things. mebbe in the end its the same. im juz feelin fucked up.
FUCKED UP! geddit??
maybe after meeting my genuine and alwaz nice frens will cheer me up later. i love meetin them. makes me forget im fucked up. ok im done. thx for ur attention.

:: listening to : Papa Roach - she loves me not
(LOUDDDDDDEERRRRR!!!!!!!! YELLLL !!! SCREAMM !!!!)

2002-09-23T18:53:00.000-07:00
][ DOMAIN day!! ™© ][

"How do you tell a girl how much you love her?

You don't.
You show her.
You be her friend.
You be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.
You cry with her when she is sad, and you are happy for her when she succeeds at something, even if - no, make that ESPECIALLY if - she does that thing better than you do. And you do all you can to see that she succeeds at things often.

You give her what she needs, when she needs it, emotionally I mean, not "things."

And if you do really love her, not just think she is hot, or are infatuated with her, you will do all this expecting nothing in return.
And I mean NOTHING.

If you expect anything from her, you do not love her, you just want to be loved by her. Everyone wants to be loved, but to be loved, you must love.

If you do these things well, one day she will come to you and confide in you about something she feels badly about, because, if you do these things well enough for long enough, it will be you she will want to confide in. When she does, you make sure she knows that it matters to you that this bothers her. If you have advice for her, save it until you are sure she knows you care, and that her feelings matter very much to you.
Once you are sure of this, you may offer your advice, but know that the caring is more important than your idea of how the problem might be "fixed."

Loving her is not admiring the way she looks or anything else about her.
These may be among the reasons you are attracted to her, but they are not acts of loving. Loving her is a series of actions, things you do for her, for no other reason than you love her.

Loving her is not wanting her to give you attention, or to give you anything for that matter. Loving her is wanting to give, not get. That is how you love someone. You give to them all you can give and expect nothing back. Once you have done these things well enough for long enough, and her eyes tell you she longs to hear you tell her, then you
will have earned the right to tell her how much you love her. "

-->> got this from khabal. sweet eh. but seriously how many guys can actually do tt for a gal? good guys are hard to find nowadays....lol!

i got my domain!!! WHEE~~~ wont reveal the name yet... wait till its up and you'll see ;) might go on semi-hiatus to do the new layout for the new domain! so stay tuned! hee im juz a)mad b)hyper c)ecstatic d)delirious e)all of the above...
at least something to cheer me up on tues! *grins*

oh i found this link again! i love tt movie! its ridiculously funny... go click it here! and i plugged a lot of new pple...check them out @ my bloggers link!
cheerio for today! I GOT MY DOMAIN!! wheeeeeeeee!!! =P

:: listening to : Laura Fygi - dream a little dream

p.s : im using tagboard till floober comes back up. so tag away! (its way below)

2002-09-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

][ oOO~ memories ™© ][

had a great weekend!
received a nice sweet surprise from LYNN!

she was so sweet to send me a gift and letter thru the mail! really made my day~ THANKS SO MUCH DEAR! really appreciated it! see the bear in the pic? it even has a C on it. my name! :p thanks again! hee.
it was lotsa fun esp when i caught up with my old GLT mates. darren, benson, evelyn, benny, mandy, weifeng, lynn, hansen, mervin, aswin, welly. its been 2 years since i first knew them. how time flies. brought back all the memories and the dumb things we used to do last time. haha. even the misunderstandings and "arguements". was fun catching up wif them and seeing them all doin so well. esp benny and hansen... got those feeling as if u seen them grow up and mature. and now wif gf. lol. we went to ktv again but being the dumb me, i forgot to bring my camera =\ so no pics. sorry. hope to catch up wif u all again soon!

played a match with alex, wilin, gollum and cheng. u know those adrenalin rush u get when u 1st started cs-ing and killin someone? yeap. i got tt feeling back. i guess i still prefer playing in a mix team where i dun have to worry abt commanding and where each and every player goes. mebbe less conflicts and catfights too? *meow*? lol

floober is down! since... thurs? argh! cant "irc" while work... but its ending soon. lets see, 5 more weeks?! im praying that at least i will get a B for my SIP. really need it! and i need to start my FYP soon! im beginning to feel the stress -.- argh~ i need my grades!!
my parents are finally relenting. they are allowin me to go abroad for studies. damnit! why cant they juz send me there after my JC?! then i could have gone wif shufen and i would already have completed my degree by now *mutters*. the reason was they thought i would not be old enuff to be there and mature enuff. blah. but oh well, since i got my diploma, i oni need 1 more year to get my degree. hee. its b/w curtin, central queensland, uni of sydney, uni of derby and chartwell. these are those they "approve" of i guess. i need more info. havent read thru the brochures yet. got a whole stack of them. but 1 caught my eye, entrepreneurship institute of australia. when i saw tt name, i was interested and they had different but really practical courses and subjects (meaning those skills tt will teach u to make make big money!). but the criteria....

- acceptable bachelor degree or relevant professional qualification conducted at a standard equivalent to a bachelor's degree
- at least 2 years significant work experience
- access to a workplace in which they can undertake the on-job component of the course or the entrepreneurial projects

OK so its back to finishing my degree 1st... damnit~ *mumbles*

new pic on eyecandy (i'm the tiny head squeezed @ the far right top row). my cousins... all from my dad's side. and the funny thing is 3/4 of them are air stewardess from SIA. they already told me the pros and cons of the job. seriously, the pay is not bad. but nah. i think i'll pass. i dun even think i'll get pass the many interviews and tests. and u muz be in tip top shape. look at the uniform they wear! most of them are not attached though *ahem* i can help pass ur numbers to them. hee

currently playing my favourite song. the singer is actually kirsten dunst. yeap the one from spiderman. her voice is really not bad! and i love this song! almost all my frens will receive this song from me. haha. its a sweet lullaby. if u wan it, juz look for me in irc (nick chrysalis) and i'll send it to ya~ enjoy it!

:: listening to :
Kirsten Dunst - dream of me
let me sleep for when i sleep
i dream that you are here
you're mine
and my all my fears are left behind
i float on air
the nightingale sings gentle lullaby
so let me close my eyes

sleep a chance to dream
so i can see the face i long to touch to kiss
but only dreams can bring me this

so let the moon shine
softly on the boy i long to see
and maybe when he dreams
he'll dream of me

i hide beneath the clouds that whisper to the evening star
so tell me now
he's juz a dream away
dream away
i'll dream away

2002-09-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

][ LOVE? ™© ][

to my blur,mood swingy, banana captain and always-try-to-act-fierce-but-fails son...GAN YEOK

HAPPIEE 19th BIRTHDAYY!

ur mum already gave u ur bdae pressie... UR GF! =P i prayed tt you'll find someone nice and sweet wat. so TA-DA! hope u enjoy ur special day!

everything is down. haloscan (my whispers) and floober (chatterbox) are all down. yest was e-league server. wat is wrong wif the internet nowadays?! everything is DOWN! when i wanna register a domain, DH is switching servers. blardy hell.

i'm feelin cranky and a lil erm... naughty? feel like pullin a prank on someone. HOHO. theres this big conspiracy tt i planned to get someone to carry out. then again, juz those wandering thoughts in my currently switched-off mind.

currently playing this beautiful song! NAT KING COLE! his voice is so sexay~ i remembered loving this song since 18. i even have the CD. got reminded of this song yest. brought back those funni memories. i remembered all the gals in my class were singing this during our PE @sajc. its addictive! i dug my now dusty CD and converted it to put on my webby for all to hear. NAH! enjoy it. its one of the sweetest LOVE songs i ever heard!

L.O.V.E - Nat King Cole

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the oni one i see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that u adore

and love is all i can give to you
love is more than juz a game for 2
two in love can make it
take my heart and pls dun break it
LOVE was made for me and you

p.s. : today is THURSDAY. i dun go out on thurs. why? coz TEMPTATION ISLAND is tonight @ 11pm! watch it! whee~
(hee. forgive my crankiness =\ )

2002-09-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

][ muakssssss ™© ][

see wat my 2 sweet granddaughters send me thru snail mail!

THANKS MY DEARS!
was soooo happy when i received it! :) i love u 2! hee hee.....really made my day!

added aegise, eunice, teacup and johnny to my links! thanks for addin me! :)

took a few pics at my music school yesterday...all the people with angelic voices~
the next stephanie sun mebbe? haha...seriously there are lotsa pretty babes there. gd lookin guys? erm..... hee still more babes!

karen - our little jolin! pretty & sweetest voice ever! i think she looks like fan wei qi~
chee lin - swweet but shy gal... dun be fooled by her shyness! this gal can really sing very very well!
kelvin - hoho JAY CHOU! he sings like jay and he can hit almost any high notes! u shd listen to his "hei se you mo"! he's in the NUS singing compy finals now... GOOD LUCK! really praying u will win... might be the next big thing!
andrew - i knew him during my GLT days. gd voice too!

k tts my class! used to be more but some of them left due to commitments and stuff. yest was so funny! our teacher was one of the old actors @ SBC (before it was TCS). sometimes i find him a lil sissy but his singing and his facial expression is unbeatable! haha. damnit i got to go memorise the alex to song. my singing exam is coming up! wish me luck~

p.s : CHARMED is back! rem to watch it tonight @ 10pm. i like the new sister, paige. really pretty~

:: listening to : Alex To - wei wo zhao gu ta
(1 of the exam songs *mutter*)

2002-09-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

][ test test & more tests! ™© ][

Your Pet is Evangeline, a Mermaid

You, who believe love is obsession and have a weak spot for the sensual and the mesmerizing, have everything that's required to be a victim of Eva. She'll haunt you with her siren song, to the point you'll forget about everything else. She'll be your world, even your lover if she feels like seducing you. Just as long as you don't forget to feed her: otherwise she'll also be your ruin.

woot~ ash is back! with a new layout of coz... check her webby out! alwaz nice as usual :)
took this food test from her blog......cannot believe 4 qns can say so much abt someone!

"You sincerely believe that everything around you is beautiful, even though other people may not notice. You are a determined person and set high goals for your life.

You are always wilful and most of the time, you are a stubborn person. But you love to work and are quite honest, which makes you good to get along with as a friend or lover.

You are vigorous yet gentle. You appear to be mysterious to those who don't know you very well because you don't often reveal your feelings.

You like to socialize and are popular among your peers.

You are soft-minded. You find it's too hard to say "No" to others, especially when you are pushed. Quite often, you are taken advantage of because of your soft-minded nature."

-->> everything is right on target. bravo! esp the stubborn part. im a mule! im really damn stubborn. erm u can ask my mum.... =\

<<-- mumbled by me @ 6.05pm (25 mins to go!)

:: listening to : Jay Chou - an hao

----------------------------------------

][ my mind is a blank but my emotions......™© ][

wat are you afraid of ?
christine, you are most afraid of not belonging

Have you ever noticed that you're more concerned about whether others will love and care for you than many people around you are? Or do you sometimes worry more than you should about being unneeded, unimportant, or even ostracized by those around you? If so, you're not alone. There are many people who share your fear of not belonging.

It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of not belonging may sometimes motivate you to take action in a positive way, like by being more willing to compromise than others.

-->> kinda true. but a fear is a fear. i wont do anything to get over it. i think im more fearful of spiders -.- eeks!

1. added caleb, phyremunk, schon, sabee, millie, azlyn, bart, phun and another ash! thanks for leaving all the nice comments in my blog~ hah i got all the nice layouts and creative ppl linked up! hopefully they can pass some creative juices to me! :) go visit them!

2. I NEED A DOMAIN! estation's server is down (and it'll be gone in oct). tts why u cant see all the pics on my webby today, its all hosted there. CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHICH OTHER WEB HOSTING CO. EXCEPT DH?! it's really driving me nuts waiting for a domain! i wanna put up more pics! *mutters* pls do leave a note if u guys know of any.
(oh the gal on top is UTADA HIKARU! haha melanie, its not me! the ugly gal on the right is me... how i wish i can pass it off as her though. lol =p)

3. my red hair is basically now.....erm light brown?! its gone in 3 weeks! either my shampoo is too gd or the coloring was damn bad. even lester's hair is redder than mine! $^#&*@ i swear it wont be red again (me crosses fingers). nah. i like red too much. hah. at least my hair is not dry or dropping off. and yes its growing slowly....

4. too many ppl falling sick! danny, cooks, khimmy.... take care yea? drink lotsa water and rest more! get well soon~ :) *me uses healing power*

5. i'm supposed to draw our half a yearly pic! but i got totally no inspiration and motivation to start it. hee mebbe this time i use paint to do it! whaha. this is my erm 5th one already i think? i shall use my cam to take the ones i drew last time (tts how i got the pic of me and mich up there! explains the blur =\ my scanner is spoilt). but i'l get it done soon i guess. hee.

6. my dear seis is having exams. gd luck! study hard!! cs will not path ur future eh? at least not in sg. all the best to those having tests, exams and projects too.

7. i got 5 more weeks to my SIP. did i tell u estation was closing down? sad =\ its closing immediately after my attachment. i've been here since it opened in dec 1999. still remember the gd old times with synn, cina, bandit, sebas, desmond, shaiful, lukas and all. damn fun! made me pick up cs and wif the stupid nick princess -.- saw the old pics... i never thought it'll close so soon. hmm. oh well the very last event is in oct 11-13. come join in if u guys are free! @ funan mall. its a PS2 / XBOX / Game cube event! at least 20 Xbox-s. HOHO! im thinkin of grab and go? *grins*

i know im long winded. but its my blog. think im gettin used to updating here. transferring my burdens to the keyboard. its gettin easier day by day (thanks to a lot of ppl). 59 days and counting...

:: listening to : A*mei - zhi dao

2002-09-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

][ close but yet so far ? ™© ][

"don't find love, let love find you.
thats why it's called falling in love.
because you don't force yourself to fall.
you just... fall.

once you accept someone for who and what they really are,
they will surprise you by being better than you ever expected.

when two friends fall in love they learn that they are
meant for each other.
when they fall out of love they realise they want to
keep each other forever.

love is seeing yourself through someone's eyes and finding yourself in somebody's heart.

letting go has never been easy and holding on can be as difficult.
yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.
some thoughts are better left unsaid.

some feelings are better left kept to yourself.
but love has a way of expressing itself, despite the silence.

the happier the memory, the deeper it hurts.

it breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else..
but it's more painful to know that the one you love is
hurting while being with you...

true love doesn't have a happy ending, that's because true love doesn't have an ending"

i quoted it from here. its so true ain't it? makes u really wonder... how many times of those relationships have u truly fallen in love? maybe one of the "friends" u have ard u is actually the one tat is made for u yet u never realised? once u miss tat opportunity, is it gone forever? or if it was meant to be, you will be together in the end? u believe that? i'm seriously thinkin too much. its a monday i guess.

watched so close yesterday. gd show. cheesy but still gd. im not into shu qi but she's gorgeous in the show. she was in love wif a guy but she's a killer.
when 2 people who have feelings for each other but yet are not able to fall in love due to circumstances...
i guess that's the saddest thing tt could ever happen.

:: listening to : Karen Carpenter - close to you

2002-09-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

][ WHEEEE....happinesssss ™© ][

I GOT MY DIGITAL CAM!!!! hee im hyper from happiness! ok my sickness was worth it! =) *BIG GRIN*
i'm still trying very hard to understand how to use it but for now...... some pics! HEHE! plus i got the heels i wanted from URS! wheeeee~

introducing my hamster CHEWY~ fat chubby but still cute! its a 4 months female syrian hamster...(actually i oni know tt today) but its treated like a princess! hee :)

my pretty folli ring and my new heels *grins*

i'll put up more pics when i know how to work this thing... hee :) happinessss.......

p.s : hee jonanthan send me this to cheer me up! THANKS~! made my day even better! click here to see it! :)

2002-09-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

][ THANKSSSS ™© ][

THANKS FOR ALL THE CONCERN FROM EVERYONE!
i finished my medication (finally!). the pain has subsided and its getting better. hopefully it wont come back again. i've been sick for a week. -.- so sickening. lol. well, im not dying yet, sorry eppy cant come to my funeral tt soon. =\
but thanks for all the sweet msgs and get well cards u all left for me. really helped in making me feel better!

nice eh? this one's from lester. THANK YOU! :)

1. added music to my site! hope u can hear it. need flash. this song now is by S.H.E. if u want the lyrics, click the song name on the right bar. got addicted to this song after the ktv. hmm. go read the lyrics.

2. talked to jeremy few days ago. think at least we're on talking terms again. kinda glad. though it juz made both of us more confused? now im more calmed down, i think its time for the talk all of us wanted long ago. anyhows, hope u enjoyed ur trip and everything is going on great for you :)
as i said b4, i'll always remember and appreciate everything u all have done for me when i was down. thanks.

3. met up with scott yesterday. he made me see a side of him i never thought he had. and i was impressed. guys like him nowadays are so rare. to do so much for a person who doesn't really appreciate or show any form of gratitude is hard. i really hope he doesnt get hurt again. eventhough its been so long, when u know there isnt any chance or any hope left, i guess its time to move on. i just wish u all the best and good luck for today. hope u will succeed and get the result u wish for.

:: listening to : Elva - wen

2002-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

You Are Ed Wood From "Ed Wood."

You definitely have your name in history, although probably not for the reason you believe. Yet you are very accepting, non-judgemental, and optimistic almost to a fault. You also have a thing for angora sweaters. How could anyone not like you?

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

][ new record ™© ][

days sick : 6
days on MC : 5
prescriptions : 3
injections : 2
xrays : 1
pills popped : 72++
sleepless nights : 5
money spent : a lot!
to get well soon : priceless....... =\

all this in a week -.- why am i a blardy sick child? the number of MCs that i had while i was in tp is countless.u can ask my grp mates. i think i gave them hard times coz i wasnt in school always. sorry gals. i hate tt i have such low resistance to bateria and illnesses. i think i almost tried every single medicine in the market. my patient record is thick enuff to be binded. i want to be a healthy child! damnit.

:: listening to : Atomic Kittens - the tide is high

2002-09-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

][ sick ™© ][

thanks felicia and kailing for sending me this in my gb to cheer me up *hugs*

"As Christine you seek change, travel, new opportunities, and new challenges. Your active, restless nature demands action and you dislike system and monotony. As you are versatile and capable, you could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks. Having considerable vision, you could be adept at formulating new, more effective ways of doing things. You could organize the work of others, though in your impatience to see the job done efficiently, you would likely step right in and do it yourself. You could work well in sales and promotion, and would not be afraid to risk a gamble as the name gives you much self-confidence. You do not find contentment in the routine tasks and responsibilities that are associated with home and family or with administrative detail in the business world, so you have to guard against frustration and even moods of depression over your personal responsibilities. The restlessness this name creates could find an outlet in caustic, irritable expression. Also, the intensity of your nature could result in tension in the solar plexus causing stomach trouble and, because you take your responsibilities seriously you could experience much worry."

and also lester for sending me such a sweet "get-well" card... hee thanks goldfish! :)

i've been sick since sunday. on 4 days mc and more to come. bleah. i dun even know wat exactly is wrong. it juz hurts like hell. this is so irritating. i went to the A&E dept on tues. all they gave me was 2 painkiller jabs and a Xray. i cant do a full body check, tt gotta wait till next week. the jabs are so strong and painful. immediately i couldn't see properly after tat. it was like having sudden long-sightedness. it scared me. took a few hours to wear off. need to go there again later -.- bleah. juz hope i'll get well soon. it sucks to juz stay home and do nothing. =\

:: listening to : Sugarbabes - round round
...addictive song~~ go download it!

2002-09-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

][ September 11 ™© ][

"They were overjoyed when the first plane hit the building so I said to them: 'Be patient.'"
— Osama bin Laden

out of the f***ed up pple in the whole wide world, i think he ranks the highest. wat issit abt seeing ppl in pain? not oni those who died, but their families. maybe he doesn't feel it coz he has countless wives and children.
its been a year but i bet no one can forget the towers crashing and people jumping out from the windows.

i still remember i first read it on irc when ppl were dicussing it. i remembered thinking it was only a scene in the movie. till i switched my channel to CNN and my family was horrified. disbelief. i stayed up till to see the pentagon destroyed too. and the last plane was in according to them "unsuccessful". well, they still killed the pple inside.
remember the guy who wanted to stop the hijackers for the last plane? he called his wife the last time in the plane telling him he loves her and he wanted to do something to stop the idiots. argh. bet those idiots will never understand the pain. you feel so small when u can oni sit back and watch it happen.

it's been a year. sadness turned into anger turned into strength. hopefully tat strength would be enough to stop the tragedy from happening again. lets mourn for those who were sacrificed for terrorism and lets pray that it would never happen again.

:: listening to : Michele Williams - better place (Sept 11)

2002-09-09T19:57:00.000-07:00

what movie symbolism are you? find out!

][ sick and i cant be bothered so leave me alone™© ][

i added lotsa ppl to my bloggers link! hee :) welcome all. all beautiful and unique layouts. check them out! alex, mambo, samantha, shelwyn, toni, val & nick (couple page :p )!

the incident is over (mebbe tts why its called an end of a chapter). stop asking me wat abt it, wat i wanna do. seriously nothing will make things better now. its already permanent. i dun care wat will continue spreading or wat will not. whether it will be settled or not. its over and stop bugging him abt it. i think he is as vexed as u are. my opinion of everything has already changed. so that is it and its over.

talked to khimmy yest. glad that we had that conversation. maybe in the sense i know wats going on and taught me lotsa stuff. friends, relationships. time to open my eyes. thanks so much khimmy~~~ :)

went NUS bash on sat wif ken, cheng, esther, jerome, jiron, danny and lotsa others. saw jiayi, junyang, yeow ann and jc frens there. all i can say its a mistake. its not the music, dj and the ambience. its the pple. no offence to NUS pple. i got a lot of frens there too. its juz a selected few who might not be even frm the school. got tipsy after lychee martinis *slurp*. gd way to forget things i guess. been long time since i went clubbing anyway.

sat was also masaki's and nigel's bdae~~ HAPPY BELATED BDAE! and also happy 1 yr anniversary to dear nigel... treat her well! :)

juz saw gilbert and lily on sunday. ooO~ very pretty lady! and sweet too. lucky gilbert!

im sick. been rolling in pain for 2 nights. im already on 2 days mc but its not gettin any better. somehow this time i know its not juz indigestion. im scheduled to go for a full body checkup next week. yeap humans are funny. afraid but yet u wanna know. trying not to think of weird thoughts but my mum keeps saying its a tumour since my family has a history of that. thanks mum. very heartwarming. -.-

:: listening to : S.H.E - ai wo de zi ge

2002-09-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

][ end of a chapter ™© ][

this will put an end to things. u said i make up stories like john woo? u said i left out things in my side of the story? lemme reveal it here now. im a gal but i have the balls to admit wat i have said and done.
u all have put me thru hell in the whole of august. yes i juz broke up but it couldnt compare the amt of bullshit tt u guys gave me. i cried, i cut and i blamed myself. i still remember saying u guys are probably the nicest pple i ever knew. i wanted to show appreciation to u all for showering me wif concern and countless sms, msgs u guys sent me. i was juz being grateful. for the things u guys done for me, i wanted to return the favor and tt was it. no intention of liking and blah blah u all can think of. i said this before," i will never break up ur frenship and i dun wan to be the reason u guys fall apart". i thought u guys understood but i was wrong. wrong in my judgement and wrong to trust u all.

4th of aug : the ktv
2 of u come telling me i was toying wif him. u all ask me whether i like him at all. i told u no. u asked me why i lied to C abt goin home and ended up at PS instead. C was my ex's gd fren, one of the reasons we broke up. i told u i was uncomfortable and i wanted to leave tt place. i din want to go nu er hong and i felt so awkward the whole day. i rem telling the 3 of u i wanted to leave. if i really had the intention to lie abt it for the sake of it, WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO TELL THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD? i trusted u all. i thought u guys would understand my view. yet u guys backstabbed. nothing to say. then u guys went on to say i misled the 3 of you with my sms. 1stly, NO GIRL WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO LIKE 3 GUYS @ 1 TIME. esp if they're frens and they almost see each other everyday. I AM NOT TT DESPERATE. i treated u 3 like juz frens. and u say the sms tt i misled.....here is how it goes :

"thank you for being there for me. i wouldn't know wat to do if you all were not around. thank you. really appreciate all you have done for me."

and i purposely sent it to all 3 of u to avoid misunderstandings. pls note the words in bold. its YOU ALL. not you. i rem tt very well coz i alwaz type those 2 words to u 3.
if u think i'm wrong abt the sms i typed, tell me (dun leave me dumb notes in my gb or whispers, call me and tell me face to face). but i remembered very well i NEVER EVER told any of u 3 that i LIKED u before. NEVER. if you think i dropped hints or watever signals in other way. TELL ME & SHOW ME THE PROOF IN MY FACE.
you all went on to say him not going school has something to do with me. HA HA. him not going school was not even my idea. i was the one who gave him morning calls to make him wake up in time to go school. never at 1 time when he did not go school, he came to find me for lunch. you guys have fantastic imagination. when he was at corner, you said uncanningly i was there too. so u guys presumed i asked him not to go school to accompany me. well "ta-da!" you all were so wrong in jumping to conclusions.the final thing tt i could remember was tt u all accused me of sending misleading msgs to him. then i ask u wat msgs? u all said u dunno coz u all heard from other pple. WAT OTHER PPL? WAT MSGS? SHOW ME! even the person himself doesnt even know wat msgs i sent him to make him think in the wrong way. pls... i'm dying to see wat msgs supposedly make him have the wrong impression.

for C : you were never involved in this at all. i din know where u heard from and which side of the story u got. but this is my side. you shd know better than them. i've known you for as long as i've been wif my ex. yet u trusted hearsay and u din even bother to come ask me my side. they can say watever they wanna say but for goodness sake, show me the proof. dun go ard telling ppl who know nothing bullshit.

i suffered countless alterations of the story and bullcrap for this incident. i NEVER told him tt you were going to wait for me. when the hell did i ever say that??
pls pls show me in my face. you got the log, got the sms? GOOD. print it out and show me. prove that im the bitch tt you have been telling almost everyone abt.
i also heard ppl said that i was after him. hmm. eventhough he has a gf. HA HA. wanna know wats the conversation?

him : wats your 1st impression of me?
me : i thought you were quite good looking
me : but then....after i know you better
me : you are juz too CHEE HONG!
me : HAHAHAHA

1stly it meant as a joke. but somehow it changed to i thought he was good looking but he got a gf. WTF?! hmm........... if im wrong again in this, correct me! and pls show me the proof... i msged u on the WCG draw day coz i genuinely showed concern as a fren. not anything else. I JUST WANTED TO RETURN THE FAVOR for the concern you showed me.

i still remembered you apologised and said it was ur fault in the misunderstanding. if my msg was misleading then i dunno wat you call this msg you sent me,
"i can't stop crying and thinking of wat i did last nite.. i miss talking to u already. ive made up my mind up too.. i'll be out of the group too."

seriously if you really treasured me as a fren and you knew that if it was really ur fault with this misunderstanding, you would clear it. even then, if it turned out to be you tt has rumours spreading ard, i WOULD have stood by u and not doubted u. somehow, you juz let the thing go and let all the other ppl point fingers at me for doing something tt i did not do. why am i so affected? coz i treated u 3 like frens. genuinely. but u all assumed things, pointed fingers at me and told ur side of the story to other ppl without bothering to clarify stuff 1st. u said i lied to u abt talking to him till 6am. i did not lie i was sleeping. u presumed i lied. i WAS sleeping. till his call woke me up and i couldnt get back to sleep so he talked to me till 6am coz he said if he slept, he will not be able to wake up for school. seriously, if i didnt treat u all like frens, YOU THINK I BOTHER? why dun i juz go to sleep? i got work in the morning too u know. u think i would have bothered to msg u at abt 2am when i could be sleeping? juz to make sure you dun fall asleep while driving (furthermore it was ur request). i even bought ice cream coz i knew u were craving for it. blah. i thought it was worth it tt time. coz i thought you all were so nice to be there for me when i was most down. now if u ask me whether was it worth it? i will think very hard. if i had not known you 3, i would not have to put up wif so much pain, hurt and suffering. u said you cannot trust ppl easily? YES that is so true and so ironic.
I WILL NOT TRUST ANYMORE. I WILL NOT ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH YOU ALL. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I HAD ENOUGH BULLSHIT FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS. IF YOU ALL REALLY DID TREAT ME LIKE A GOOD FREN, THIS INCIDENT WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED.

for the rest of you guys who stood by me, thank you. you all are the frens who i will stand up for too.
this is not payback time. this is the end of this chapter. friends come and go and you all are juz friends who went. its oni been 2 months anyway. but it was a painful 2 months. you can ask L. he knows all i've went thru juz for this incident.
dun tell me you are sorry for wat you have done, give me a big smile and then stab me from behind. i'm a bitch? so be it. i have enough gd frens ard me who trust me and knows wat i really am.
maybe deep down inside, you are really are nice ppl wif good intentions. but i will not bother to know anymore. that is it. goodbye and good luck in ur future endeavours.

dun bother leaving me anything in the gb or whispers. i will juz ignore. you wanna clarify stuff? no prob. call me. you got my number. tell me all u wanna tell me face to face. and pls if you wanna meet me to accuse me more, show me the proof. thx

2002-09-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

Who's Your Inner Music Industry Diva? Find out @ She's Crafty

][ thankful ™© ][

1. thanks for the sweet and beautiful cards. i'm not angry wif u at all. but was very touched when i saw those cards. thank u. :)
(now pls go get some sleep!)

2. thanks to kailing and felicia for sending me a mail on our names. real nice! thanks dears... this came thru my mail... u gals are the nicest angels~ *muaKz*

C - You definitely have a partier side in you. Don't be shy to show it.
H - You are not judgmental.
R - You are a social butterfly.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.
S - You are very close-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
E - You are a very exciting person.

Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
E - You are a very exciting person.

S - You are very close-minded.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.

H - You are not judgmental.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
I - You have a bad temper sometimes.

--> there are 4 times of "You have a bad temper sometimes". haha this really proves something! so next time u wanna name ur kid.... make sure there is no "I" in it *winks*

:: listening to : Cam'ron - oh boy

p.s. : stop leaving weird msgs in my gb and whispers u prick. dun like the webby then dun come here. its childish and u bore me. funny thing is tt u dun like it yet u bothered to find the gb link and leave a msg inside. smart eh? weird ppl are all ard. lol.

2002-09-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

][ new start?! ™© ][

NEW LAYOUT!!!
woohoo! got myself a new layout. isnt fantastic or anything. juz kept it simple and neat. tagboard is way down there now though. look for it. wondering who the beatiful gal is? its utada hikaru. =) and i added bloggers again! charlotte and jessica~ big welcome!
my wishlist is back... hopefully those items wont stay as a wish. hee.

lemme see. i was kinda "sick" on tues and the doc gave me a 2 days mc. (i love my doc!)
so i rested at home and went for a huge shopping spree. and i mean HUGE!
items tt i brought back home :
1. 3 pairs of earrings
2. bracelet
3. folli follie ring! (a beauty! thanks so much! really love it! *hugz*)
4. diesel sling bag
5. island shop top
6. i nuovi glitterati
7. vincent longo eyeshadow (flower power!)
8. stila eye glaze
9. body shop foundation & lip balm
10. mango sweater
11. levi's super low jeans
12. cosmogirl september

all this adds to ----->> big dent in my wallet! =(
and i haven't included the converse bag and exodus slippers i got last week. hee. I'M A SHOPAHOLIC! blah. i shall blame my stress tt im goin thru. wanna give a big thanks to cheng for goin shopping wif me... hee i think i killed his feet. thanks so much though! really appreciate it! we'll shop for ur jeans next time!
and the levi's jeans is sooooo.... low. i mean like wif oni 2 buttons for the button fly. not more than 4 inches? but its nice! ex though...*ahem* 150. took me a long time to decide to buy. but u gotta be careful when u squat or bend down. hoho.

went to ktv last nite wif michelle, kimyong, wenqiang, veronica and 2 other ppl (i forgot the names-.- sorry). we were supposed to watch abt a boy. but 15 mins b4 the movie, suddenly they decided to go ktv. so impressed wif wenqiang. haha he actually refunded 7 tix! dun ask me how. the reason he gave and his acting is juz marvellous. bravo. *claps*
haven't sang in abt a month. went back to the same place same rm of the ktv tt brought back bad memories. oh well. fated. but they cheered me up. thx.

mebbe there's a new start. since its a new month. really had a gd rest and enjoyed myself over the past 2 days. the mc came at the right time. somehow things seem clearer. something tells me the situation is improving. kinda glad. another chance? perhaps.

:: listening to : jolin - you wo

2002-09-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

][ C R A P ! ! ! ™© ][

yoohoo~ i added jas, dan, oil, kin sing to my links! welcomeeeee....... :P

watched lilo & stitch twice this weekend. i'm a cartoon addict. esp the disney ones. but this one was worth it. i cried. twice. "ohana means family. and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten"
argh. sappy over cartoons. wth is wrong wif me. but i swear i will steal tt huge stitch from PS! *grumbles* dun tell anyone i told u tt. hur.

kinda felt lied to after the revelation on sat. hypocrites. liars. backstabbers. watever u call those ppl. so now i know. and for the last fooking time....
"THANK YOU" is NOT equivalent to "I LIKE U" or having interest or watsoever!
i muz have said thank you millions of times to strangers, meaning i like them too? guys have the biggest egos. u think too highly of urself. guys wif gf are a no-no. even if u look like jude law. still a NO NO! but in the 1st place, you are NOT anywhere near jude law. so dun dream abt it. can't even differentiate between being grateful / thankful and having a liking? omg! if u take a gal being grateful as she has interest, i think you would have fallin in love like 500 times? dun think so highly of urself and then push all the blame to me saying i gave wrong signals. wat signals?! THANK YOU?!

and of coz theres the beech who pissed me off. hey little gal. u dun go ard callin ppl "honey" and "dear", or "i think i liked u" when u got a bf! i pity him. its juz like slapping him in the face. dun even start wif the bitch or slut thing. u got pms? tts ur problem. all gals have pms. but we dun choose to show it or expect ppl to give in to us. dun toy wif my fren's feelings! u better not! he's juz a kid and u know he got feelings for u. either u clear things up wif ur bf b4 u do anything funny, or i'll chew ur head off. u wanna call me a slut? who's the one wif the bf and calls each and every guy DEAR HUNNY?! tsk.

ooO~ WCG is over! congrats to squall's and eppy's team! :)
glad u guys made it after the hiccups and things happening at the event. and to my dearest lenn....u gals did great! dun be affected by wat others say of u. u all have been thru a long way and u gals shone during the game! well done!! congrats to SH and zodiac too!
kinda miss playing in a gals team...but then again remembering Lf...hmm
of coz a great perfomance by team O! bet u guys din expect to come this far~ dun be disappointed randy... u guys did really well. shite happens. so its not ur fault. great work!

*yawnz* sleepy eventhough i went to bed at 11 yest. too much gossiping and bullshite goin ard nowadays. stop asking me whether i got a bf already. NO. its oni been a month plus. i like being single. so stop it. yea i dyed my hair blardy red and i pierced my ears again, after like 5 yrs? changes. think im gonna get a tattoo next. :P

:: listening to : Avril Lavigne - i'm with you

"isn't anyone tryin to find me wont someone please take me home it's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new i don't know who you are but i'm with you..."

2002-08-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

][ feelin better..... :P ™© ][

Which Disney Princess are you?

You're Jasmine!
You are one of the first Disney princesses to stand up for her rights as a woman. While you may NOT be a prize to be won, you are still quite the hottie, especially in that red harem girl outfit. Even when things may not seem the best at home, try to remember that running away from your problems solves little. You are easily tricked and manipulated, both by your enemies and people who love you. You have a special fondness for tigers.

today is defcon's bdae! happie bdae dude! stay happy :)

i added eugenia to my links! she got this really nice purple site. fav color. go take a look! she's from tp too! :) welcome gurl! and also defunct's site. nice flash animation~ check it out!
i think i muz be too bored and sick of SIP. i juz added a countdown till my SIP ends. lol. cant wait! still got 50 plus days. sigh. but then again my bdae coming soon (soon as in 5 months time hee) too. i'll be so old. haha. michelle keeps reminding me! *GRR*

startling revelation. hmm. juz found out one of my fren smoked. actually its no biggie. juz doesnt look like he would. pressure i guess. hmm. ppl change.
was fun at kailing's bdae yest (hope u had fun too gal), very nice to have all of us at 1 table talkin again. havent done tt ever since we split classes. miss those days. kailing, felicia, michelle, kim yong, daniel, shah, gan yeok (who looks like he works in cheers~ hee kiddin), together with ben and lester. LOL! u shd know why. *ahem* matchmake *ahem*
we were eating at LIPs. the food was horrible -.- (as confirmed wif our future chef ben). it really sux. worst spaghetti i have ever eaten. bleah. and we starting talkin abt a pervert in tp. totally gave me the creeps and all the goose pimples. yuck! its sick to even talk abt it. if i told u u would feel the same, esp if u are a gal. in my POV, the guy is perverted and desperate.

yay! CNC Elm and Team O all made it! hee gd for all of ya! keep it goin! and eppy's team too! (wad u expect? its GBR =P) all the best~~
mon's team playin today....gd luck! shd be goin down to see the gals tomolo. hee lenn masaki mel fusion coven annie guggles mad p yanie rachel myst bubbles << babes galore! gd luck to all the gal teams too. of coz gals rox!~ :P

:: listening to : Diana Krall - They can't take that away from me

2002-08-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

/ / happy birthday to kailing!!~~~ WHEE!~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to
KAILING !!!!

another birthday~ this time its..... Kailing!! happy bdae my granddaughter! may all the wishes come true for you! hope tt you will find the one tt is right for u soon too (*ahem* name starting wif a L? *ahem* =P) keep happy alwaz! big big *muaKs*! lookin forward to see u later!

UPDATES! added jude, ben, paperdoll, vangel, jeffrey, dada, burn`, itchi and astrophel to my links. really cool sites. go visit them! welcome all! :) enjoy ur stay

(woo~ unfaithful...but...its martinez! :P)
watched unfaithful yest. came out feelin like i juz watched porn. in my pov, i think it shd be RA not NC-16. but tts my opinion, i bet the guys didnt mind. hoho. its a gd show. makes u wonder wats goin on behind ur back. very real. like the part when she found the secret note. of coz there is the gorgeous Oliver Martinez wif the tattoo on his chest (seriously would u not be tempted by him?) and suave Richard Gere. but wat impressed me was Diane Lane though. she's superb, the acting and her bod! she's almost 50! but her figure was....excellent. tits, ass, and wonderful skin.
i sound lesbo. -.-

WCG is today! gd luck to all......esp Team O! ben, lester, matthew, randy, eugene! gd luck! and of coz my beloved son's team, GBR titans. hope tt u will be able to achieve it again. i'm rooting for Elm and CNC too. alex, korny, shawn, gollum, cheng, bastz, wilin... do ur best!

thanks for those who left me sweet comments in my gb. and also those who were concerned. thx all :)

:: listening to : S.H.E - lian ren wei man

2002-08-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

/ / burned out?

im tired and i need time to recharge. stop asking me wat i wan and which direction i wanna go. let me tell u this, i have no clue. no freakin idea wat lies ahead and i juz wanna sit back and watch my life take place by itself. so stop askin me. enuff. concerned abt me? then its thank u. oni bothered abt bitching and gossip? pls step aside.

%*$&% all the sappy songs my music school was playin yest. 1st it was ah mei - wo hen wo ai ni. then came alex to - wei wo zhao gu ta. the best was aaron kwok - zai wo de yan li ni zhui te bie. -.- dot dot. juz as my lesson ended, my teacher started singing yong bang. yes u guessed it. ni shi wo zhui shen ai de nu ren. and he said whenever we sing love songs, we gotta put our heart and soul in it to imagine the emotions goin thru. hur~ i think i can skip tt.

went down to crc to find mon and give him a bdae cake. sorry couldnt celebrate much. least i could do *winks*. hope u liked it~ gd luck for WCG! promised to get 1st? hee. juz train hard but dun neglect ur studies. cs cant go on forever. :)

had a talk at crc. im not asking u to do anything. its entirely ur choice. dun do it if u think the timing is not right. i know u will look at the situation to decide. juz told u wat i wanted to tell u. not pushin u to make any move. u oni have to answer to urself. like whether u really wan it now, or would it be better if it occured at a diff time? anyway wishin the best for u.

i suddenly felt ironic typing tt.

wrong time. wrong place. wrong pple. wrong things happening. argh. its alwaz the "what if?"
im tryin to qn myself but i really got NO freakin clue and im feelin so moody becoz of it.

met gollum, sam, voodoo, cheng for supper. voodoo looks damn gd without hair. its most prob coz he's tan and his face shape. same like gilbert. much better without his big hair. wonder how he has been doing. i need to dye my hair on sat~ every single time im -.- i vent it out on my hair. its all gonna drop off soon. then i'll find another way to vent it out.
i NEED to go to ktv.

:: listenin to : Zhang Zhi Cheng - wang nian

2002-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

/ / i.dun.know.i'm.lost.confused.tell.me.wat.to.do.where.to.go.cry.and.hide.

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

* * *

:: listening to : Jolin - ru guo na tian ni shuo ai wo

2002-08-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

/ / its only 10am -.-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MON !!
(good lookin eh? those interested pls get a queue number and join the line wif the rest. thank u)

happie birthday dearest son! hope you get cuter each year and all the best in your studies! (ur cs is gd enuff so i shall not wish you tt :P) get a gf soon too? haha enjoy ur special day! i know it sux coz u got training today. but keep smiling~ you'll attract all the small gals wif ur cute smile. :)

for all those who have tests today, eppy, lester, randy, def, my TP juniors ~ GOOD LUCK !

tt ***** !! *grr* still was tryin to make u cheer up tt day. then yest you tell me.........BLAH!
but oh well, this works out anyway. haha. all the best!! very happy for you. :P

did i mention SIP is blardy boring and sucky ?
5 hrs of sleep! lethargic. sleepy. trying damn hard to concentrate. act busy wif the clicks of my mouse. hmm. update after lunch. too lazy to continue typing.

:: listening to : Elvis Costello - I'll never fall in love again

2002-08-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

/ / jazz ~~~

i had whipped potato for lunch! =P i shall have something nice on mondays to chase out the blues. works for me. i bought a CD today - jazz bistro. its worth it. really good tunes to chill out. it has lots of my all time favs...Cantaloop, Dream a little dream, Don't know why, Unforgettable....~ juz A LOT!
the album is worth it. next up, avril's cd! =\

i modified my gb, added a comments function, added links! i'm using avril's pic to spice up stuff and all of them are taken from here.
life is definitely gettin more boring. and i still have to memorise my song for music school. bah!

i'm finally using the FTP server estation provided. juz putting pics since this place cant upload. bleah. thinking of putting up of all the pics i have in me com. lotsa neoprints.
but den again im afraid of sickos. disable right click? but there's still print screen. $%#@^$ argh. wad say you?

:: listening to : jacky cheung - xin ru dao ge

2002-08-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

/ / B L I N K I E !!!!!!!!!!!!

hee. MY VERY OWN BLINKIE! cute eh? wif the star bouncing on it...

THANK YOU ANGEL! :P thank you thank you thank you!!!!

really nice of you for helping me make the blinkie...its so nice!
rem to visit her site pple! she's got a really neat site (and *ahem* check out her pics...very pretty lady :) )
thanks again!!!!!! made me so happy when i received it in the mail. xie xie ni~~~!!! :)

2002-08-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

/ / wassup?

1. a dog! *woof*
2. vin diesel =P
3. mail from SHUFEN !!!!!!!!!! (*muakz*)
4. startin CS again -.-
5. chit chat
6. DOD lan party

heh~ summary of wats goin on. k this is gonna be long. inhale....exhale.....

me mum decided (after my 21 years of bugging her, at least once a yr) tt she will finally lemme have a dog. YIPPEE! at 1st i thot it was my perserverence. then she told me "i rather you had a dog than a hamster". CHEY~ wat dumb logic is tt? hamsters dun shed fur but dogs do. need more attn too. if i had known i would have gotten a hamster sooner! hoho sorry my dear chewy. now i can get a dog, the dilemna comes. i dunno whether i shd get it. yeap lifelong commitment thing. i dunno whether i willl have enuff time to pay attn to it. furthermore last yr of poly. grr. headache. but im so afraid tt if i say i dun wan it now, i will never be able to get it again. -.- wats ur opinion? leave me a note if u wan any say.

watched XXX on friday. gd show. yeap lotsa bang bang bang. but great stunts though, lotsa adrenalin rush. and of coz there's the beautiful female lead, asia argento and VIN DIESEL~ =P biceps, chest and tattoos a bit too much for me. but its the charm he exudes. woo~ younger version of pierce brosnan. charmer. i shall not drool anymore. hee.

MAIL FROM SHUFEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P really brightened my day gal~ love u lots! *muakz*
and of coz the little gift u sent me *ahem* yesh i know we have matching rings and this one to go now. makes us sound lesbian dun u think so? haha. but i love u soooo~ :) i'll reply to u asap. alwaz love receiving mail from u. hee. thanks again my dear.

yesh CS! i havent touched it since slangg cat fight last yr. hmmm. tts like 8 months plus? now and then i play when im bored. but not competitive. not used to playin it anymore. too old for it? hah my reflexes are like -.- now. not to say i was gd to begin wif. but i promised gollum i'll give it 1 more shot. try to learn from scratch again. dun even think i got the interest anymore. me shall try me best.

talked to randy yest. hmm. the one for u is out there, waiting for u to find her. yeap 2.5 yrs is long but as long as u can find the right one for u, it's worth the wait. wif ur ronan voice, no worries! =P haha take care though. tomorrow's a brand new start. smillllleeeeee~

DOD lan party was today! thanks for everone who came. esp the SS pple who showed so much support. thanks! hopefully it was fun for u guys too. finally met retro again. hee. gd luck for WCG!!! cheering for u guys~ :P but DOD is still -.- for me. haha. played battlefield though. hoho fun! yesh and wif my tyconess i ended up as top frag. whaha. i shall learn how to fly a plane next.

im done summarising! yes im long winded. damn tired -.- slept at 5am yest &$%#$%# and they are not paying me 1.5 for OT. *grumble* startin another work week again. weekends go by so fast now. oh well another 9 more weeks to go.

p.s : thanks for those who left me a note in my gb~ :) changing me layout again soon. tryin to think of wats gd for me. ^&$#$ DH. so pls bear wif this mess for now. thx~

2002-08-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, I don't know why you treat me so bad
You says you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eatin' for you
I can't stop cryin'
I don't know how I allow you to treat me this way
And still I stay

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, I don't know why you wanna do me wrong
See, when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
Boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you can bring me to so many tears
After all these years

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oh, I just need you, I just need you
So sad, so sad, what love will make you do
All the things that we accept
Be the things that we regret
So all of my ladies
Feel me, come on sing with me

See when I get the strength to leave you
Always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cuz I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You could learn appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change, never gonna change
Never gonna change

See, my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby, why you hurt me
Leave me and desert me
Boy, I gave you all my heart
And all you did was tear it up
Lookin' out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
There's something always holds me back

:: listening to : ashanti - foolish

2002-08-23T02:35:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LYNN!

enjoy yourself gal~ you deserve it! have a wonderrful bday! be happy always! *muaKz!*

2002-08-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

How does it feel to be maligned?
Does it bring joy to the perpertrator?
Do you not get pricked by your conscience?
Perhaps not.
But worry not for u will stand trial before the Almighty One.
your sin deeply engraved in stone will tell no lies.
Go on, shed those tears, shed those F#%king tears.
A thousand deaths won't atone for wat u did.

/ / Parental Guidance is advised (pardon my language)

^#*&@^#&*^!*&^@&*^!@*^!@^*!&@^*!^@*&!@^*!^@*&!^@%^^$#^$)&@!@(%^$!!#^!
this is the amt of vulgarites i wanna hurl at tat idiot who pissed me off so badly yest. as eppy said it, fooker + retard = fooktard. yes tts you you arse. L - O - S - E - R ! winner of the world loser award. you wanna receive ur prize now?
its been a year and u cant get over it. tell me all the crap, bullshit, act chivalrous and saintly in front of me, then go tell cheng he is a loser and spread crap behind my back. you wanna deal, then deal wif me and not any of my frens. i had enuff bullshit from you already. and to think u said u were sorry. *pukes* i was so BLIND. wat the hell. lemme count the no. of middle fingers i can get to point at u. err....countless? tsk tsk. and tell me again who is the one who doesn't have frens? try anything funny to my frens again and i swear i will rip u apart. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned - trust me, tt line is TRUE.

i got it out of my system. does NOT mean i forgive and forget. at least not for this bastard.

but yest was not such a bad nite. got to know a new fren, talked to my old GLT mates and made me open my eyes wider next time. hee talked to retroooo, i miss her. i haven't seen her since dec last yr?! tts damn long. (u better come to the LAN party this sunday :P)
my GLT mates are still the same, still ever as funny and nice. thanks all~ remember to lend me ur middle fingers when needed. hoho. =X
talkin to benny brought back memories. hee. haven't talked to him for wat, erm 2 years?! eversince tt phone call. lol. happy for wat he is goin thru now and hee, in my words, grown up! :) take care lil bro...
lynn's bdae is coming!!! very advanced happy bdae! i'll be sure to wish u again~
rem to celebrate! its once in a yr. dun miss the chance to get all the pressies from us. lol. aswin goin army on fri. gd luck and take care. muz meet up b4 u become bald! hard to imagine u without hair. haha. dun worry, you'll still attract all the small gals. hee. :)

damn tired now. tiring to be pissed off. lol. but its ok. i know wat goes ard comes ard. so lets not stoop to tt level. NOT YET at least.

2002-08-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

/ / 30 days

it's been a month. but time seems to be creeping so slowly. read a lot of other pple's blogs again. had a headache reading marc's one yest. lol (dun call me stupid woman! grr). glad to talk to him again after so long. i added him to my links too. eugene's one left the deepest impression. hmmm criticism and perceptions again. have been revolving tt for the whole of the last month. was still thinking of the incident yest. still find it funny. so many pte msgs last nite. lol i'm alright. these pple who know nothing abt the situation, yet continue rambling as if they were the person, juz reminds of how shallow we all are.
but it was nice tt he came to talk to me. thanks. no one knows wat happened except the both of us. so unless you stalked us for the time we've been together and know every single detail, pls juz shut ur mouth. if you wanna go spread rumours, go ahead. i can't stop u. u can call me a bitch, but go think abt wat tt makes u? -.-

on a happier note, was talking to sam yest. hee she definitely cheered me up wif her mountains of clothes thing. couldnt stop smiling. :) lol. she was telling me abt vincent longo booth at taka. come to think of it, i remembered the last time i went MAC wif him, he rushed out of the store immediately after my purchase. hoho. oh well, they're nicer pple, some even more beautiful than us, both inside and out. i think they suit the service line very well. don't u realise they are alwaz friendly and wif smiles on their faces? i think they also wanna fit in without us looking at them in a funny manner. hmmm.

my hamster did dumb things again. running ard and knocking into walls. lookin at her banging into walls reminded me i wanted to get a digi cam. hee. i took 2 brochures home tt day, for the sony cybershot. i tried bugging my mum. it was funny. my mum knows me too well. she knows im ultra nice only when i need or want something from her. so i tried.....
"ma......i...."
"hmmmmmmm?" she glared @ the 2 brochures in my hand and stood up.
"take a look?? i ....."
"not free!" she started walking to her room. me trailing.
"but you....."
"NO!" she started walking aimlessly in her room. dad sitting on bed watchin tv, watching both of us.
"i need a ....."
"not free! dun bother me! i need to bathe." she walked into the bathrm.
"but you juz bathed!"
"cannot bathe again? dun disturb me" and she closed the bathrm door.
-.- this is my mum. lol. and my dad juz sat there laffing at me. grr. its ok i'll try again next time. wish me luck~
i will succeed!! :P

2002-08-19T04:45:00.000-07:00

/ / i m m u n e d

TAGBOARD! /me points to the left
i got a tagboard for this pg. juz type in ur nick, ur msg and click post.
gd alternative to irc when im in class or at work. :)
i changed my guestbook layout too. sweeter colors.

im gettin immuned to all those things. all the comments. reminded me of those times when we used to post msgs in the forums. flamers will alwaz be there i guess. pple who have nothin else to do then to hide behind their com wif a fake nick and criticise someone else. its funny how ironic it is when u finally know who posted it. there are better and more meaningful stuff to do in life u know.

it dawned on me juz now. the word "seemed". its like everyone takes their own perception on things, put their own opinions and pass on to others. lol. im still trying to get over the 1.99 joke. i am so amused :D
its fun to have this kinda stuff once in a while. add spice to my life. i shall post later. when i stop laffing. :)

2002-08-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

/ / finally!

ok i finally found the syntax error in my blog. no more errors! yippee~ :D
but had to re-do my posts for the last week. go according to the dates listed. thx~
yest. was the drawing lots day at youth park. all i can remember is HOT and CROWDED! saw lotsa faces tt i haven't seen in a while though. it was like a mass gathering for the gamers. somehow made me wonder wat would it be like if i didn't pick up cs in the 1st place.

awkward and fake. that was wat i felt throughout the whole day. fake smiles. fake conversations. awkward feeling. felt out of place. kinda regret too. think it will continue to be like tat. the more i hear abt it, the more pissed i am. coz the blardy idiots do not have an idea wats going on.

met anthony and aaron. still the same the day i knew them in sec 3. tat was so long ago. cannot believe we were all in NCC last time. lol!
but pple do mature though. their thinking did surprise me. another thing was the smoking. hmm.

i need to buy a video cam. why? to tape my dumb hamster. she was "sleep walking" tt day. closed her eyes and juz started walking in her cage. walked and knocked into her wheel and fell down. LOL! at least she makes me smile.

i started a monthly link at the side. the links tt i'm impressed wif or tt touched me. this month, i found this love story of this couple. its such a fairytale. read their love story. at least i was moved to tears. brought smiles too. kinda glad to know tt a love like this do exist in this messy world. i will forever give them my blessings. =)

2002-08-18T05:59:00.001-07:00

15 Aug 2002 Thursday

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

did i mention tat avril lavigne rox?? i spotted her on MTV with the song "complicated". try listening to her other songs. you'll fall in love wif her very soon. i loved the song "losing grip". kinda reflects on the situation now.
meanwhile, try the avril lavigne quiz guys~ hmm strange tt such qns can actually lead to a result like this too. sigh.

/ / eat me!

GUESTBOOK !!!

(see the box above? wif a link called guestbook? TAa DAa! ^_^)
need i say more? it's up! but it's an online one. temporary juz for this site. leave your comments and thoughts for me inside. pls remember though, this is an online journal. its MY blog and MY comments so unless you are me...refrain from the criticisms of my thoughts.
to the rest of the nice dudes and babes, leave a comment / footprints here. thanks~ *muakz*

2002-08-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

17th Aug 2002 Saturday
/ / t i r e d

yesterday was the "meet-your-****" day -.- (hoho eppy~)
made me realise the number of mistakes i made in my life, all the wrong decisions, impulsive moves and things that i would never repeat if i were to go thru it again. however, i did remember some things that made me smile. aah, the sweet~ sometimes i wished i could be 16 again. most prob he's the one person who never let me down, always stood by me and 1 person i could see the light wif. but things aren't alwaz great. hmmm. life is so cruel. i know he will still be looking out for me as he always had. thank you.

end of a tired work week for me. juz feeling confused and stressed out lately. lotsa stuff happening to pple ard me. hopefully things will juz get better for them.
take care yea? i've learnt to cheer up more wif the help of u guys. so its my turn to return the favor. hee.
started talking to one of my old frens again. all the misunderstandings and stupid things we did last time. hah. cannot believe it. so childish. but i'm so glad she's still there. this is wat i call a blessing when things are goin so rough. thanks lynn~ :D
also big hugs to those who have left a message in my mail, irc and guestbook. really sweet~ felt so heartwarming to know there are still nice pple ard u. thanks dears.

met lenn, eppy at bugis. lenn juz dyed her hair. very very nice! made her hair even softer than before. hee.
i shd be gettin my hair colored too soon. was thinking red wif strips. dun ask me why issit alwaz red. i love tt color on me head. SOMEONE said it was lian though *ahem* *grr*
saw the sony cybershot-U camera at the sony showrm~ beauty! really cute too. hmm i shall go bug my mama. lol
becoz of it...i shall add a "stuff" list to my webby. hee. things tt i want or need (i think it'll be mostly wants). or stuff i need to get done. hoho. it will definitely change from time to time though. women are fickle.
played billard at pot black wif ben, lester. they thrashed the living daylights of me (the next time we play i'm gonna get a big b***s gal down hoho). bleah. damn the small balls and pockets! ^$&^@^&!R# *grumbles*
saw this orange lambogini at river valley. vrrrrooommm~ then the police came. haha sucker.
shd be going town later~ aaron getting into army soon. haven't seen them in a while too. imagine him bald~ hmm.

gtg now. cheers. enjoy ur weekend.

p.s : my fren's pics were posted on photoforum without her permission. this guy took her photo while she was in the mrt -.-. blah. so disgusted by these idiots. cannot imagine wat they do wif the pics they took of countless gals without their knowledge. be really careful gals. sicko alert.
all i wanna say to these pple is... SICK PERVERTED RETARDS~ GET A BLARDY LIFE! _|_

2002-08-18T05:57:00.000-07:00

14th Aug 2002 Wednesday
/ / boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

i was browsing blogs and found this test on jas's blog.
kinda true for most of the questions for myself. mebbe u wanna give it a try too~
got 1 more hour before i can get home. later.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *

1. What kind of person you'll be attracted to in real life situation...

those are unbridled, untrammeled, and free

2. In the process of courtship, which approach would make you feel irrisistable...

patience, never give up on you

3. What impression you would like to give to your lover...

optimistic

4. What incident would cause you break up with your partner which character you hate most...

ruthless, cold-blooded, ironic

5. What kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner...

you care not only about present but future with your partner, a long-lasting relationship that you can grow with

6. Would you commit adultery...

you care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage

7. What do you think about marriage...

you are afraid of marriage, you think it would take away your freedom

8. At this moment, what do you think of Love...

you dont' want to be tied by a steady relationship

2002-08-18T05:55:00.001-07:00

12th Aug 2002 Monday
/ / place for me to rant

hmm..... i can't stand waiting for a domain anymore. supposed to share one but its not available yet. so meanwhile i shall post here. i'm tryin to get layout and things done. i'm noob to this so l'll juz try doodling and see wat works for me. i'll try to add in comments page and guestbook asap. for now, juz read i guess~ =\

still feelin pretty down. before i found this, i had already been blogging. (read the posts below and go according to the dates) but of coz juz writing in notepad -.-. funny eh? i guess i needed something for me to trash out all my frustrations.

so...........temporarily, this is the place that i will rant and rave abt me life. nothin interesting. but something to keep my mind occupied before i try to stab myself.

thanks to all those who have been so concerned abt me~
i'll be better as time passes......i hope~ -.-

p.s : ignore the archives - i hit enter too many times. its the same as this post -.- stupid me

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6th aug 02 / / lowest point

hello.

my 1st blog. 1st website. mebbe if not for all the stuff happening, i would never have got down doing it. blessing in disguise? i rather not have the blessing then.

mebbe its true. you oni see who are ur true frens when u are in need. the pple whom i have once thought were true frens somehow all disappointed me. its so ironic. frens whom i have known for 3 weeks are those who stayed by my side and kept me going. most prob. i would have done stupid things if not for them. now its juz between myself and time to stand up again. HARD to do.

another blow on sat night. never thought it would be like this and never ever thought i would appear to them in tt way. not angry. juz filled wif depression, helplessness and hurt. the hurt i felt was tearing me apart. i cried and decided to walk away. i don't know whether i made the right choice but i will never spoil their friendship. i don't want those i treat as friends to accuse me in that way. someone said i was toying around. i never did that and had no intention to. i treated all of them like gd frens but they mistook my concern as a liking -.- its over now~ maybe i will live in regret for not seeing the truth, but the amount of hurt i suffered and endured tt day, with pple i treat as frens pointing fingers at me, tt will be the most painful memory i will ever have.

i have pple to thank for this site, for all i've been thru, for lifting me up when i was down over the last 2 weeks. lennette, shufen, epyon, cookie, shawn, alex, gollum, sam, khimmy, danny, michelle, kim yong, felicia, kailing, bomby, pokpok, lester, randy, ben, jeremy, matthew, porki and any others who have lifted my spirits in any way. thanks so much~*

p.s : i mean my thank yous. its not meant to be sarcastic. i am really grateful for everything u all have done for me, cheering me up, giving me advice, being there for me, sending countless encouraging sms and msgs on irc to make me feel better. for all tt, i really thank u and am grateful for knowing u all~ u helped change all my tears to smiles and i will never forget it... regardless of wat had happened, i'm still thankful tt i had u all as friends =)

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7th aug 02 / / how long will this last?

can't eat. can't sleep. lying awake everynite staring at my blardy ceiling. every detail of it is imprinted in my head.

angry? confused? disappointed? frustrated? moody? sad? depressed? upset? paranoid? argh.

a friend told me to write my feelings down. mebbe i'll get better soon. i dun see tt coming. i oni know i'm trying so hard to hide the sadness behind my smiles. i find myself pretentious now. tryin to be happy and cheery when i'm not. i disgust me.
mood swings getting from bad to worse. my friends are all worried. i'm really sorry.
i feel that i've disappointed all of you. but i really can't pick myself up now.
i just wish it would all just fade away soon. where my happiness and smiles will no longer be just momentary. i hate being alone at home. all the feelings come rushing to me in an instant. so tired. sleep and never wake would be my greatest wish now.

from andia's site :
Aren't friends suppose to be standing by your side? trusting you to keep their secrets? Communicate with them when they are down? Choose to believe in you even when someone had tried to spread ugly rumours?

wat can i say? how very true... wat happened to friendship?

to my friend : thank u for being there. for still being by my side. words cannot express my gratitude for u. i feel bad letting u go thru my mood swings and for all tt has happened. the oni thing i can do now is say thank u.

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8th aug 02 (national day eve) / / wwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

hoho........1st time in really long tt im feelin cheery~
hope this will last! shite i havent bought my brother's bdae present! which is tomorrow... @*!^&*@!@^ national day kid (meaning i cant go out at all - muz stay home to celebrate )
haha sometimes i wonder why we are so different yet we're related...mebbe i shd attach his pic...den u will understand why. haha =P

hmm......small world ain't it?
found out tt the eugene tt lester was talking abt is actually my old time clan mate~
small small world
if i hadn't met michelle and kim yong yesterday, i wouldn't have found out. fate.
so eugene = kim yong's fren = lester's fren = my fren!

blah blah im babbling~ hyperness is coming! =\ (ok i shall slap myself)
yesterday was fun, at least i went out to meet micheele, took a neoprint, went shopping for daniel and realised tt the world is so small! especially sg.

poor daniel. i really hope he'll cheer up soon... he told me he'll get 2 years to get over her....hmm....so weird to see him shop to get his mind off her. heard the song he composed for her yest. suddenly feel there are still nice guys ard. (juz tt i dun meet them -.-)
but oh well, i'll be praying for u my friend~

finally had the courage this morning to ask them out for coffee and have a talk. i'm not supposed to storm away crying this time. i'll try. hopefully everything will be settled after tt. at least things won't be so awkward and difficult for them. mebbe i'll finally know wats going on and wat caused it? not sure

yippee! i got my temp pay and realise tt IA students got no CPF! hoho more money! but my hp bill is 140 this month. bleah. this sux. i shall promise not to use my hp to chat anymore =\
(like tts gonna happen)

oh well, i shall end it. happy blog. finally. hope it'll be even happier after the coffee session. bye~

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9th aug 02 national day / / w t f

woke up on the wrong side of the bed. -.-
feelin grumpy. realised tt i had not bought my bro's present yet.
technically, the whole incident is supposed to be over. somehow i still sense the negativity and distrust. maybe it juz God trying to wake me up and look at this world in a different light. why am i even blardy bothered by wat strangers said of me?

watched mimic 2. roaches. big fat ones. bleah. feel like puking after watching it.
juz cross my fingers and hope this whole thing blows over soon. i realised it juz made me more conscious of wat i say and do. misunderstandings can occur juz becoz of it.
-.-

oh well. i cant explain myself anyway. no one would listen. juz leave it as it is then.

2002-08-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

13th Aug 2002 Tuesday
/ / s l e e p y y y . . . . .

boredom. cannot believe i still got 2 months to go .... erm...doing nothing! no events going on and i'm dying. -.-
kinda hope that i would be able to make the 100 pax overnight LAN party pass thru my boss.....then again, he'll nag me on the cost, the rental, the time....blah blah
i juz can't seem to make them see the way youngsters can. =\
they were arguing abt CS being a dying game yest. couldn't be bothered to add my own comments. somehow, i juz dun find myself useful in the company. i mean, no matter wat i say, they'll juz take me as a kid doin attachment there. reminds me of the e-league event. the blardy headphones and people who are so up themselves. kinda wish i could laugh in her face and say "i told you so?". hate managing the event, running ard like mad, get complaints thrown in my direction and at the end of the day, still have to face the pple tt i hate wif a smile. if not i'll fail my SIP. blah.
shite and i have to work wif her again for the dec e-league grand slam thing. hoho -.- gd luck to me~